Give Me My Money Back

For the past several months all we've heard on the news is "Recession, Stimulus Plan, Lay Offs, OMG, What is America to Do?"

I am OVER IT! First of all we have seen worse times; remember the Great Depression. That was a time when people making minimum wage would never buy a brand new Mercedes just because they got approved for the loan. People didn't write checks their asses couldn't cash. No one lived in a million dollar home unless you had money like John D. Rockefeller. Where has our pragmatism gone?

It frustrates me when I think about how Americans spend their money. What makes me want to live on an island with an unending supply of pina coladas and music, is how much money we have loaned to other countries and never gotten back. I know, I know, it is for the good of the world and we should help our fellow man blah, blah, blah! Well, screw that! Where are they when we need help? Where were these countries when Katrina hit or when we began sending troops to the middle east? Half of America is highly uneducated. Children grow up to be ineffective uneducated adults who might have to pull me over because I have a tail light out or something. If you are going to give me a ticket, it might be a good idea to know what it says! I digress.

My stimulus plan goes as follows: First, hire all the Shylock's/loan sharks in our country and send them out on "special assignment" to do what they do best: collect money from the people who owe us by any means necessary. Second, the Bank of "I'm gonna loan a bunch of money to people I know can't and won't pay it back"closes for good. The only way this particular bank is to be reopened is if all recipients of these loans agree to pay 10 percentage points for every month they are late repaying the debt; or they can immediately hand their country over to the U.S. with no hostility (or you all will be shot and fed to the sharks) and we will call it even. If there is any derivation from the plan on the borrowers part, we will annihilate the entire country and start over from scratch. Third, survival of the fittest applies everywhere. If you can't make it, I guess you are SOL. You may ask for a modicum of help, but we draw the line at millions of dollars. You know, when people get hungry, they WILL find a way to eat. I don't understand how any of this is our problem. I think we should take care of our own and then when we are all taken care of, reach out to those in need.

The point of this stimulus plan is for these countries to just give me my money back! The sooner they do that, the sooner Christina's stimulus plan will be lifted.

Marriage #2

The 22nd of January marked the anniversary of our time here in Wichita. It crept up really fast. So, since we have been here a little over a year and I have worked in my office just over 6 months, I guess minding my business is still really important to some of the people I work with.

If you use an earlier post titled Marriage as a reference, this is the continuation of that wonderful story/event/time I will never get back/brain shrinking conversation.

Setting: The work room in my office. This is where the computers, staplers, tape, blank contracts, etc. are in my office. It also poses as a general gathering/gossiping place for the staff.

Lady in my office: How are you?
Me: Good. How are you?
LIMO: What are you doing?
Me:Looking for houses for Josh and I. We are slowly beginning the search for a house of our own.
LIMO: (Eye roll then face scrunch) Well, when is he going to put a ring on your finger?
Me: Probably after we buy a house.
LIMO: Well, why would he get married, you know, why buy the cow when you get the milk free.

Seriously lady! WTF! It took everything in me not to square off and punch her in her dentures, then laugh while they slid down her chicken neck looking throat.

Me: (Smiling) You know, this has been the only place we've lived where people care that we aren't married. It is really weird.
LIMO: Does that bother you?
Me: No, I am just shocked people care so much about my business. It is really weird.

I got up and walked out of the workroom. I fumed for about five minutes. Now, looking back on these conversations she engages me in, I laugh. I have decided this is the beginning of a game for me. This will begin my slow mental destruction of old ladies who have too much time on their hands so they feel obligated to mind my business.

The game will go as follows; she will ask me a question about my relationship with Josh or she will ask me what happened to my hair/clothes/shoes/whatever and I will immediately respond with something ridiculous. It can't be totally outrageous because I want her to think about what she just asked me and then go talk about it with the other agents to see how long it will take to get back to me.

Example:
LIMO: When are you getting married?
Me: When we have another black person in the office.

I am sure she will be appalled.

Example 2
LIMO: What happened to your hair?
Me: I don't know, I just woke up like this.

I am sure she will look at me like I am crazy.

Example 3
LIMO:...why buy the cow if you can get the milk free.
Me: We have a 2 bedroom apartment for a reason, he has his room and I have mine.

I am actually excited to see how this all pans out. That post will probably be Marriage #3!

Tho Some Ds on Em

I use to regard Atlanta as the rims, dubs, chrome capital of the world. I went a few years ago for a concert and was mesmerized. I became a little like Rain Man because huge Escalades with tinted windows (probably to protect the occupants eyes from the shine of the rims) passed and all I could think of was "Ooh, shiny!" I knew it was a real problem when we were sitting in traffic on Peachtree Street, or the worlds largest parking lot, and a '85 Toyota Camry rolls up with chrome spinners and all I could think about was "Ooh shiny!" I knew I'd seen everything. It was cool to see people truly have more money than sense. The persuasion of people with rims ran the gambit too. Never in my life have I seen so many Lil John wannabes and suburban soccer moms with rims on their vehicles. I won't lie, I wanted to move!

My lust for Atlanta soon faded and shifted to L.A. (only because I moved there). If you were to take a poll, I am sure L.A. has more cars with rims, but per ca pita, Atlanta wins hands down. The biggest difference in Atlanta rims and L.A. rims is the diversity in cars with rims. People in Atlanta will put rims on ANYTHING! People in L.A. tend to put rims on luxury vehicles. L.A. also tends to vary in color. I've seen chrome, black, white, blue and red rims. That is truly where my love affair with dubs began. My nights were filled with fantasies of getting rims and putting them on a mini van when I become a mom, no, wait, that never happened, but I did have dreams about putting rims on a big Tahoe with a bumpin' system! I could pick out every car with rims and tell the difference, meanwhile having Josh in my ear telling me they all suck (it is the artist in him).

Anyway, we moved to Wichita, you know, land of OZ, and I have been floored ever since we got here. I shake my head everyday as I'm on my way to work. Here we are, middle America, land of conservative Anglo Saxons...and they all have rims on their cars! My broker is well into her sixties and she has rims and a chrome grill on her bright red Tahoe! All the soccer moms have rims. I don't get it. I thought rims were supposed to represent how thug you are. I thought rims were for black people and Mexicans. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd see Barbie gathering little Sarah and Tommy into the car with chrome shining like the sun on cloudless summer day in Florida. I am feeling more left out here than I was in Atlanta or L.A.

So, I guess the more successful I become, I will have to put aside a "Tho Some Ds on Em" fund so I can be part of the club too (that fund will also be attached to the "Diamond Grillz for Christina fund).

So, I get a text this morning from my cousin. The first one is "Hi." She never texts me like that, there is usually more to it. She asks things like, "when are you coming home, or did you hear about this or that, or I saw so and so...they asked how you were doing, ect." This one was a little different. I immediately thought something happened to her daughter, her sister, her mother, or my parents. It was nothing like that. THANKFULLY!

I then thought, maybe she is pregnant again. You know the sound car tires make when they come to a "screeching" halt? That was the sound in my head...because she has a girlfriend. I would imagine it would be very difficult to get pregnant that way, but who knows, anything can happen, we have freaking pregnant men for God's sake. That wasn't it either. She then dropped the bomb that her baby's daddy was in the hospital because he tried to kill himself last night.

Seriously, WTF. I immediately became enraged because to look at their daughter and see her precious face and then laugh at her because she is 4 and pimptastic. Once again, I will say it, she is 4. She has not one, but two boyfriends. She kills me. Her eyes sparkle and her hair is the ipitome of "curly locks." She is two maybe three feet tall and when watching t.v., she extends her little legs on the couch, crosses her ankles, and raises her arms above her head to intertwine her fingers behind the curly locks. In a lot of ways, she is like a little adult. I remember being home a few months ago and she was 3 at the time. Her grandmother called her tricky. "Miss thang," as I like to call her, proceeded to put one of her 3 year old hands on her hip, slightly bend over and say to her aunt, her grandmother, and I , while shaking a finger at us, "No, no no, you all are tricky." I am really bad at encouraging small children to do things they aren't supposed to do because I think it is funny. So, I began to laugh histarically; we all did. It was funny. So why would he want to leave someone so amazing? It boggles my mind.

I know he and my cousin have had their differences, but if anything, he should want to live for his daughter because she is such a joy and a gift. Over the years, it has become increasingly hard to understand how he can say he loves "Miss thang" because sometimes, well, a lot of times, getting back at my cousin for dumping his sorry ass consumes his every action. Once she was born, he needed to realize it wasn't all about him anymore, it was all about his daughter.

My cousin grew up with my father basically being her father. Her biological father died when she was really really little. My father grew up in a foster home. Those two situations I would never wish on anyone, especially someone as wonderful as his daughter. The past two/three years of custody battles are now lost. All the effort he put into gaining his daughter full time got washed away with the bottle of tylenol he decided to down. It just makes me want to wake him up and shake him, then ask him what he was thinking to end with GROW THE "F" UP!

I hope gaining the attention of your family, baby's mama, and her family was worth it you POS!

Where were you when...

Being that I am a little over a quarter century old, I've had at least two where were you when moments. 

We grow up hearing our parents and families say things like, Where were you when MLK/JFK were shot? Where were you when we landed on the moon? Where were you when Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs? I am not too sure about the moon thing, I think it was in a studio in Hollywood, but I do know MLK and JFK were defining moments in our history as Americans. Billie Jean King's win was a defining moment for women. 

Our space program is based on JFK's willingness to think outside the box. My ability to have a white Jewish boyfriend and drink from the same water fountain is thanks to MLK.  Billie Jean King's success paved the way for women like myself to play sports at the same caliber as men. Because I did not experience these things first hand (I was not glued to the black and white t.v. set with rabbit ears or in the picket lines of Montgomery while all of this went down ...I wasn't even born) they are rights I was given at birth, kind of like breathing. We all take it for granted until we don't have it anymore. 

As of November 4, 2008, the two where were you when  moments in my life are the destruction of the world trade center's twin towers and the smack down Senator Obama gave Senator McCain to become the 43rd President of the United States of America. 

September 11th, 2001 was probably one of the most numbing experiences of my life. Every morning (when I was still an early riser) I woke up and got ready for my 9a.m. class by watching the Today show. I remember Katie Couric cutting away to the footage/live feed around 8a.m. to see the first plane crash into the first tower. All I could think was "that plane must be having some kind of crazy electrical problem or something." The second plane hit the other tower. I thought it was really strange and went to class. The drive from my apartment to my school was about ten minutes. In the time it took me to get to school and park, the Pentagon had been hit. The news was all over campus and classes were cancelled. I remember calling my dad and talking to him about it. I was pissed that we never thought anything like this could happen to us. "What makes us so different than any place in the world other than our superior bullying skills," is all I could ask myself. The months after the attack became somber and I became closer to knowing someone who lost their life so abruptly. It is a type of "six degrees of separation" I do not like to play. 

Now, seven years later, another moment I will remember forever has taken place. America has given me hope. I am an optimist who reluctantly began to doubt the goodness in people and my country. Today marks the beginning of an era. I never thought it would happen in my lifetime because Americans can be really petty and asinine, but we did it, we elected our first black President. To quote 3-6-Mafia, "...like Barak Obama says its time for a change." Well, here we are. I will always remember I was living in a "nice" red state. Unlike Florida, there was no one standing outside the polls trying to intimidate the voters, toting signs of what/who they believe is right. People held my door open to enter the polling center. My opposition was NEVER hostile to instill fear in me for my opinions. It was a fair fight. I've never been so nervous about anything in my life because up until now, I knew I could handle the outcome should it not go my way. I remember watching the number of Electoral College votes jump from 207 to 333, the magic number. I remember seeing my phone ring and my best friend Ami being on the other line giggling her face off. 

I hope in my many years to come, there are more defining "where were you when" moments that make me smile and laugh. I hope I am proud and thankful. I hope I am always looking for more!

Rain

I think I appreciate the rain more than your average being, almost as much as ducks. It has been raining a lot here in Wichita bringing the summer to a screeching halt. This is the first time I am living in a place where fall is not in December and the leaves actually go through their entire color spectrum. Rather than being green and full one month and  brown, broken and on the ground the next, they are bright yellow and orange reaching to heights that seem to fade into the sun.  It is really cool. 

Last night before bed, this vivid memory jumped into my head like the first popcorn kernel popping, other things are going on and all of a sudden, there it is. The image was of my cousins Beth and Katie and I playing in the rain with our moms. It always seemed to happen in the fall where the rain would keep the Florida heat at bay, just a little. I remember living on Post Street and as soon as the clouds began to rumble, we began our rain dances hoping the afternoon would never end. Barefoot on the steaming sidewalk, the rain seemed to stop time. I don't remember cars passing. I just see these three brown little girls twirling and running, soaked from the Heavens opening. 

I think what also makes this memory so vivid is that my mom and aunt played with us. Here we are, eight years old and younger, with our mothers having just as much fun. The reality of bills and work left our minds. It was like life wrapped us in a warm blanket and cradled us while we fell asleep to dream of a carefree existence.

It is amazing what triggers things in your memory. This is probably one of my favorites!

My Boyfriend got Arrested

Living in the Air Capital of the World has been wonderful. We have been blessed with new experiences and a new life. With that said, Josh got arrested by the Hawker Beechcraft Rent-a-Cops. How exciting!!!!!

Josh works in the executive building of his company. It is a teal windowed building with a runway for a drive way and an air traffic control tower as a guard gate. His office in the teal windowed building over looks one of the hangers where they bring clients to look at planes that are finished or almost finished so they have a more tangible idea of what they are purchasing. For 27 million dollars, I would want to know what I am purchasing too. Anyway, the building is at the back of the campus/airport, and honestly, about 3/4 of a mile to a mile away from the rest of the plant and everything else they have on their property like the employee gym and auditorium.

When Josh has to meet with the engineers or a lot of people who will be working on the design of a plane, they meet in one of the larger areas across campus from his office. The company is wonderful about taxiing the staff in 15 passenger vans from one end of campus to the other. It is cool because it allows everyone to be on time for the meetings and no one has to walk in the extreme heat or extreme cold. Josh recently had one of these meetings and the van came to pick he and his colleagues up from their office and shuttle them to their meeting. It was a success, from one end to the other safely.

The meeting came and went and it was time to head back to the office. Well, Josh and one of his colleagues waited and waited for the van to pick them up and no one came. They waited at the pick up point for about half an hour before they decided to hoof it across campus to their "home." They began walking and came to the first runway. They were obviously taught well by their mothers because they looked both ways before crossing the street. All clear, they crossed. As they stepped off the other side of the runway, the Hawker Beechcraft police came speeding up in their oh so pimp golf cart. "Gentlemen, you need to come with us." Josh and his colleague thought "sweet, a free ride, it is flippin' hot out here." That was not the case. They were brought back to the security office near the meeting place they just left, placed in separate "interrogation rooms," and lectured then questioned. "Sir, did you know it is a federal offense to walk across and active runway?" the security guard asked. "Did you know you could face up to ten years in jail and fines," he asked. Josh told him no and got a little worried. The security guard questioned him a little more and then let them go, only after finding out who their bosses were, and why they were walking across the runway. When they got back to their offices the immediately found their bosses and let them know the story. They laughed.

The next morning Josh goes to work and is called down to the security office for more questioning. They began asking questions like "What did you have for breakfast yesterday morning? What did you have for lunch? Are you on any medication? Are you suicidal? Why did you walk across an active runway? Josh answered, "cereal and yogurt; chicken, carrots, and fig newtons; no, just the fiber I take daily; no; and the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line, the runway was in the straight line. He was sent back to his office and the next day given his punishment...a half day. His boss told him not to tell anyone because then everyone will walk across and active runway!

The moral of the story is, do not walk across an active runway. Apparently it is a federal offense and you will be taken down my the big bad rent-a-cops. If you do happen to walk across an active runway, do not only look right and left, look up!

Footnote:

The van did not make the pick up because it was in an accident!