For as long as I can remember, my parents, mainly my father, have called me a thug. My general response has been "It is not my fault, I came by it honestly." Now, I have evidence that it is not my fault when I engage in thuggish behavior. I do come by it honestly.
We watch History Channel a lot. They have pretty interesting shows like Gangland, Jurassic Fight Club, and Band of Brothers. They also do special shows cascading an era, culture, or event. Recently, we watched a special on John Wilkes Booth and the sordid assassination plot against Abraham Lincoln. I never knew it was so involved. The government hung four people for being the ring leaders and put two or three more in federal; all in all, the government tried twelve people. Before any of this took place, the hunt for John Wilkes Booth and David Herold was crazy. People with Confederate sympathy, shunned him. He thought he would be a hero in the South, but boy was he wrong.
The government put a bounty on his head and then they went looking for him through the woods of Maryland and Virginia. No one wanted to help him because if they did, they would be considered "accessories after that fact" and sent to federal prison, like Dr. Mudd. I guess what is where the saying comes from.
Anyway, they were all thugs! JWB for the assassination of the President and the forethought that went into it; our army for setting the barn where he hid on fire to extort a surrender; the government for offering a bounty for him; the soldier who shot him rather than waiting for him to come out (honestly, there is only so much smoke you can inhale before you pass out or give up); and the crowd watching and cheering while his four accomplices were hung.
Our country as a whole is the biggest thug in this situation. People were getting pulled off the street and killed because they looked like JWB. I guess they believed "shoot first, ask questions later." Maybe they had more luck asking the dead questions than I would.
As we watched the episode, all I could think is this is gangster fabulous. It is not my fault, I was born to a country whose actions are inherent in my bones...
Hopefully, you all know my sense of humor by now. I am not running out to get my 9 or my GATT and embrace the true thug inside, just thought I'd throw that out there!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
My New Favorite Quote
As many Americans, I was glued to the television to watch the inauguration. I thought it was a wonderful historical moment. I did not truly get inspired until the benediction was given by Reverend Doctor Joseph Lowery
This is now my favorite quote:
"...we work for that day when black will not be asked to get back and when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead man, and when white will embrace what is right, that all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen!"
This is now my favorite quote:
"...we work for that day when black will not be asked to get back and when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead man, and when white will embrace what is right, that all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen!"
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Give Me My Money Back
For the past several months all we've heard on the news is "Recession, Stimulus Plan, Lay Offs, OMG, What is America to Do?"
I am OVER IT! First of all we have seen worse times; remember the Great Depression. That was a time when people making minimum wage would never buy a brand new Mercedes just because they got approved for the loan. People didn't write checks their asses couldn't cash. No one lived in a million dollar home unless you had money like John D. Rockefeller. Where has our pragmatism gone?
It frustrates me when I think about how Americans spend their money. What makes me want to live on an island with an unending supply of pina coladas and music, is how much money we have loaned to other countries and never gotten back. I know, I know, it is for the good of the world and we should help our fellow man blah, blah, blah! Well, screw that! Where are they when we need help? Where were these countries when Katrina hit or when we began sending troops to the middle east? Half of America is highly uneducated. Children grow up to be ineffective uneducated adults who might have to pull me over because I have a tail light out or something. If you are going to give me a ticket, it might be a good idea to know what it says! I digress.
My stimulus plan goes as follows: First, hire all the Shylock's/loan sharks in our country and send them out on "special assignment" to do what they do best: collect money from the people who owe us by any means necessary. Second, the Bank of "I'm gonna loan a bunch of money to people I know can't and won't pay it back"closes for good. The only way this particular bank is to be reopened is if all recipients of these loans agree to pay 10 percentage points for every month they are late repaying the debt; or they can immediately hand their country over to the U.S. with no hostility (or you all will be shot and fed to the sharks) and we will call it even. If there is any derivation from the plan on the borrowers part, we will annihilate the entire country and start over from scratch. Third, survival of the fittest applies everywhere. If you can't make it, I guess you are SOL. You may ask for a modicum of help, but we draw the line at millions of dollars. You know, when people get hungry, they WILL find a way to eat. I don't understand how any of this is our problem. I think we should take care of our own and then when we are all taken care of, reach out to those in need.
The point of this stimulus plan is for these countries to just give me my money back! The sooner they do that, the sooner Christina's stimulus plan will be lifted.
I am OVER IT! First of all we have seen worse times; remember the Great Depression. That was a time when people making minimum wage would never buy a brand new Mercedes just because they got approved for the loan. People didn't write checks their asses couldn't cash. No one lived in a million dollar home unless you had money like John D. Rockefeller. Where has our pragmatism gone?
It frustrates me when I think about how Americans spend their money. What makes me want to live on an island with an unending supply of pina coladas and music, is how much money we have loaned to other countries and never gotten back. I know, I know, it is for the good of the world and we should help our fellow man blah, blah, blah! Well, screw that! Where are they when we need help? Where were these countries when Katrina hit or when we began sending troops to the middle east? Half of America is highly uneducated. Children grow up to be ineffective uneducated adults who might have to pull me over because I have a tail light out or something. If you are going to give me a ticket, it might be a good idea to know what it says! I digress.
My stimulus plan goes as follows: First, hire all the Shylock's/loan sharks in our country and send them out on "special assignment" to do what they do best: collect money from the people who owe us by any means necessary. Second, the Bank of "I'm gonna loan a bunch of money to people I know can't and won't pay it back"closes for good. The only way this particular bank is to be reopened is if all recipients of these loans agree to pay 10 percentage points for every month they are late repaying the debt; or they can immediately hand their country over to the U.S. with no hostility (or you all will be shot and fed to the sharks) and we will call it even. If there is any derivation from the plan on the borrowers part, we will annihilate the entire country and start over from scratch. Third, survival of the fittest applies everywhere. If you can't make it, I guess you are SOL. You may ask for a modicum of help, but we draw the line at millions of dollars. You know, when people get hungry, they WILL find a way to eat. I don't understand how any of this is our problem. I think we should take care of our own and then when we are all taken care of, reach out to those in need.
The point of this stimulus plan is for these countries to just give me my money back! The sooner they do that, the sooner Christina's stimulus plan will be lifted.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Marriage #2
The 22nd of January marked the anniversary of our time here in Wichita. It crept up really fast. So, since we have been here a little over a year and I have worked in my office just over 6 months, I guess minding my business is still really important to some of the people I work with.
If you use an earlier post titled Marriage as a reference, this is the continuation of that wonderful story/event/time I will never get back/brain shrinking conversation.
Setting: The work room in my office. This is where the computers, staplers, tape, blank contracts, etc. are in my office. It also poses as a general gathering/gossiping place for the staff.
Lady in my office: How are you?
Me: Good. How are you?
LIMO: What are you doing?
Me:Looking for houses for Josh and I. We are slowly beginning the search for a house of our own.
LIMO: (Eye roll then face scrunch) Well, when is he going to put a ring on your finger?
Me: Probably after we buy a house.
LIMO: Well, why would he get married, you know, why buy the cow when you get the milk free.
Seriously lady! WTF! It took everything in me not to square off and punch her in her dentures, then laugh while they slid down her chicken neck looking throat.
Me: (Smiling) You know, this has been the only place we've lived where people care that we aren't married. It is really weird.
LIMO: Does that bother you?
Me: No, I am just shocked people care so much about my business. It is really weird.
I got up and walked out of the workroom. I fumed for about five minutes. Now, looking back on these conversations she engages me in, I laugh. I have decided this is the beginning of a game for me. This will begin my slow mental destruction of old ladies who have too much time on their hands so they feel obligated to mind my business.
The game will go as follows; she will ask me a question about my relationship with Josh or she will ask me what happened to my hair/clothes/shoes/whatever and I will immediately respond with something ridiculous. It can't be totally outrageous because I want her to think about what she just asked me and then go talk about it with the other agents to see how long it will take to get back to me.
Example:
LIMO: When are you getting married?
Me: When we have another black person in the office.
I am sure she will be appalled.
Example 2
LIMO: What happened to your hair?
Me: I don't know, I just woke up like this.
I am sure she will look at me like I am crazy.
Example 3
LIMO:...why buy the cow if you can get the milk free.
Me: We have a 2 bedroom apartment for a reason, he has his room and I have mine.
I am actually excited to see how this all pans out. That post will probably be Marriage #3!
If you use an earlier post titled Marriage as a reference, this is the continuation of that wonderful story/event/time I will never get back/brain shrinking conversation.
Setting: The work room in my office. This is where the computers, staplers, tape, blank contracts, etc. are in my office. It also poses as a general gathering/gossiping place for the staff.
Lady in my office: How are you?
Me: Good. How are you?
LIMO: What are you doing?
Me:Looking for houses for Josh and I. We are slowly beginning the search for a house of our own.
LIMO: (Eye roll then face scrunch) Well, when is he going to put a ring on your finger?
Me: Probably after we buy a house.
LIMO: Well, why would he get married, you know, why buy the cow when you get the milk free.
Seriously lady! WTF! It took everything in me not to square off and punch her in her dentures, then laugh while they slid down her chicken neck looking throat.
Me: (Smiling) You know, this has been the only place we've lived where people care that we aren't married. It is really weird.
LIMO: Does that bother you?
Me: No, I am just shocked people care so much about my business. It is really weird.
I got up and walked out of the workroom. I fumed for about five minutes. Now, looking back on these conversations she engages me in, I laugh. I have decided this is the beginning of a game for me. This will begin my slow mental destruction of old ladies who have too much time on their hands so they feel obligated to mind my business.
The game will go as follows; she will ask me a question about my relationship with Josh or she will ask me what happened to my hair/clothes/shoes/whatever and I will immediately respond with something ridiculous. It can't be totally outrageous because I want her to think about what she just asked me and then go talk about it with the other agents to see how long it will take to get back to me.
Example:
LIMO: When are you getting married?
Me: When we have another black person in the office.
I am sure she will be appalled.
Example 2
LIMO: What happened to your hair?
Me: I don't know, I just woke up like this.
I am sure she will look at me like I am crazy.
Example 3
LIMO:...why buy the cow if you can get the milk free.
Me: We have a 2 bedroom apartment for a reason, he has his room and I have mine.
I am actually excited to see how this all pans out. That post will probably be Marriage #3!
Tho Some Ds on Em
I use to regard Atlanta as the rims, dubs, chrome capital of the world. I went a few years ago for a concert and was mesmerized. I became a little like Rain Man because huge Escalades with tinted windows (probably to protect the occupants eyes from the shine of the rims) passed and all I could think of was "Ooh, shiny!" I knew it was a real problem when we were sitting in traffic on Peachtree Street, or the worlds largest parking lot, and a '85 Toyota Camry rolls up with chrome spinners and all I could think about was "Ooh shiny!" I knew I'd seen everything. It was cool to see people truly have more money than sense. The persuasion of people with rims ran the gambit too. Never in my life have I seen so many Lil John wannabes and suburban soccer moms with rims on their vehicles. I won't lie, I wanted to move!
My lust for Atlanta soon faded and shifted to L.A. (only because I moved there). If you were to take a poll, I am sure L.A. has more cars with rims, but per ca pita, Atlanta wins hands down. The biggest difference in Atlanta rims and L.A. rims is the diversity in cars with rims. People in Atlanta will put rims on ANYTHING! People in L.A. tend to put rims on luxury vehicles. L.A. also tends to vary in color. I've seen chrome, black, white, blue and red rims. That is truly where my love affair with dubs began. My nights were filled with fantasies of getting rims and putting them on a mini van when I become a mom, no, wait, that never happened, but I did have dreams about putting rims on a big Tahoe with a bumpin' system! I could pick out every car with rims and tell the difference, meanwhile having Josh in my ear telling me they all suck (it is the artist in him).
Anyway, we moved to Wichita, you know, land of OZ, and I have been floored ever since we got here. I shake my head everyday as I'm on my way to work. Here we are, middle America, land of conservative Anglo Saxons...and they all have rims on their cars! My broker is well into her sixties and she has rims and a chrome grill on her bright red Tahoe! All the soccer moms have rims. I don't get it. I thought rims were supposed to represent how thug you are. I thought rims were for black people and Mexicans. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd see Barbie gathering little Sarah and Tommy into the car with chrome shining like the sun on cloudless summer day in Florida. I am feeling more left out here than I was in Atlanta or L.A.
So, I guess the more successful I become, I will have to put aside a "Tho Some Ds on Em" fund so I can be part of the club too (that fund will also be attached to the "Diamond Grillz for Christina fund).
My lust for Atlanta soon faded and shifted to L.A. (only because I moved there). If you were to take a poll, I am sure L.A. has more cars with rims, but per ca pita, Atlanta wins hands down. The biggest difference in Atlanta rims and L.A. rims is the diversity in cars with rims. People in Atlanta will put rims on ANYTHING! People in L.A. tend to put rims on luxury vehicles. L.A. also tends to vary in color. I've seen chrome, black, white, blue and red rims. That is truly where my love affair with dubs began. My nights were filled with fantasies of getting rims and putting them on a mini van when I become a mom, no, wait, that never happened, but I did have dreams about putting rims on a big Tahoe with a bumpin' system! I could pick out every car with rims and tell the difference, meanwhile having Josh in my ear telling me they all suck (it is the artist in him).
Anyway, we moved to Wichita, you know, land of OZ, and I have been floored ever since we got here. I shake my head everyday as I'm on my way to work. Here we are, middle America, land of conservative Anglo Saxons...and they all have rims on their cars! My broker is well into her sixties and she has rims and a chrome grill on her bright red Tahoe! All the soccer moms have rims. I don't get it. I thought rims were supposed to represent how thug you are. I thought rims were for black people and Mexicans. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd see Barbie gathering little Sarah and Tommy into the car with chrome shining like the sun on cloudless summer day in Florida. I am feeling more left out here than I was in Atlanta or L.A.
So, I guess the more successful I become, I will have to put aside a "Tho Some Ds on Em" fund so I can be part of the club too (that fund will also be attached to the "Diamond Grillz for Christina fund).
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