Wedding Bullshit

I've decided that wedding planning and everything that goes along with it is a racket. It is similar to the toilet paper and tampon racket. The distributors get to charge whatever they want, not because these things are actually costly, but because they CAN! The vendors are like slot machines. They see SUCKER written all over your forehead. "Pull me," the machine screams.
After that first pull, you are hooked. You might not have won anything, but if you insert another coin and hit the button that doubles your odds, you might have a chance to come out unscathed...or at least that is what they want you to think. The slots turn and you've got 2 out of the 3 matched. Two cherries and a banana. It is so close, you can taste victory so you put another coin in the machine. At this stage in the game, you've hired a coordinator/planner; you've looked into florists, dresses, venues, caterers, and photographers. The slot machine cycle has spun out of control. When you realize you've been at the machine for 3 hours and only won 45 dollars of the 150 you spent you do one of 2 things: realize it is a lost cause and spend the 45 you won back and say "fuck it" or you walk away from the machine with the 45 dollars and some dignity.

So here we are. We are at the crossroads. We are ready to throw up our hands and create a third option. This is what I call the "Suck My Balls and eat a Turd Burger" option. This is the most extreme of the 3. This option entails running away, getting married, not telling anyone. This option came about because so many people have opinions of what we should do and have threatened no to come! Thank you for your support, we couldn't love you more!